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Angel's Secrets

Angel the Series Quotes

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Doyle: It's not all about fighting and gadgets and such. It's about reaching out to people. Showing them that there's love and hope still left in this world.
Homeless Woman: Got any spare change?
Doyle: Get a job you lazy sow.
City Of
received 9.7% of 72 votes

Angel: Oz.
Oz: Angel.
Angel: Nice surprise.
Oz: Thanks.
Angel: Staying long?
Oz: Few days.
Doyle: They always like this?
Oz: No, we're usually laconic.
In The Dark
received 9.7% of 72 votes

Angel: They're all trying to bring us down. The perception is that we're weak.
Wesley: No, the perception is I'm weak. That's why they went for me.
Angel: They're wrong. You do what you have to do to protect the people around you. To do what you know is right, regardless of the cost. You know, I never really understood that. You're the guy who makes all the hard decisions, even if you have to make 'em alone.
Lineage
received 9.7% of 72 votes

Eve: There's only supposed to be one candidate for the vampire with the soul hero part in the big show. Two of you, and the wheel of destiny starts to spin off its axis. That's why everything and everyone is going mad.
Spike: Hold on a tick. You're blaming this on us?
Angel: No, she's blaming it on you.
Destiny
received 9.7% of 72 votes

Host: I had to come back here to find out I didn't have to come back here, I don't belong here, I hate it here. You know where I belong? L.A. You know why? Nobody belongs there, it's the perfect place for guys like us.
Angel: That's kinda beautiful.
Host: Ain't it?
There's No Place Like Plrtz Glrb
received 9.5% of 84 votes

Fred: Weird. I'm getting electromagnetic readings consistent with spiritual entities, but there's no ectoplasmic matrix.
Gunn: Meaning?
Fred: Ectoplasm's what makes ghosts visible to the human eye. If he's a ghost, technically we shouldn't be able to see him... And I'm detecting brainwave activity.
Angel: On Spike? That is weird.
Just Rewards
received 9.5% of 95 votes

Fred: Also, ghosts generally absorb light and heat energy making the area around them a few degrees cooler. Spike's radiating heat.
Spike: Think I'm hot, do you?
Just Rewards
received 9.5% of 95 votes

Spike: Or maybe Captain Forehead was feeling a little less special. Didn't like me crashing his exclusive club--another vampire with a soul in the world.
Angel: You're not in the world - Casper.
Just Rewards
received 9.5% of 95 votes

Psychic: Now, I have Pilates at the crack of why-am-I-awake? So we're gonna move this right along. I will mutter a few calming words to get us into the zone, and then we'll see if we can scare up your missing spook. OK. Clear your minds... which, judging by the looks of you, won't be that hard.
Fred: Should we hold hands?
Psychic: Only if you're lonely. Now, zip it and let me do my sweet funky.
Hellbound
received 9.4% of 53 votes

Spike: No. I'm not gonna end up like Pavayne. Cheating hell any way he could, no matter who it hurt.
Fred: Just proves what I've been telling everybody.
Spike: That I'm a handsome devil who brightens the place up?
Fred: That you're worth saving.
Hellbound
received 9.4% of 53 votes

Fred: I can't. I don't care what he says.
Lorne: I know, kitten. It's strange, but under that blood-feeding creature of the night facade, he seems a bit heartless lately.
Angel: Hearts get in the way.
Lorne: Hearing as good as ever, though, boss!
Sacrifice
received 9.3% of 54 votes

Gunn: Couple of weeks ago he was wearing diapers. Now he's a teenager?
Cordelia: Tell me we don't live in a soap opera.
A New World
received 9.1% of 55 votes

Lorne: So it's an evil limo. I get that. Does that mean we don't re-stock the cherries?
Home
received 9.1% of 33 votes

Lilah: If you prefer to be armed during your stay here, we'd have no objections. Just because we've tried to kill or corrupt each and every one of you at one time or another doesn't mean we can't be trusted.
Home
received 9.1% of 33 votes

Lilah: That nifty little bauble comes with the file. Apparently it's crucial for some kind of "final battle." Guess they're in short supply up Sunnydale way. Bit gauche for my taste, but hey -- not a Slayer.
Angel: Buffy can handle herself.
Lilah: But isn't it more fun when you handle her?
Home
received 9.1% of 33 votes

Willow: Hey, Fred. It's good to see you. [to Wesley] Oh, and it's the Marlboro Man... or at least his extra stubbly, mentally unstable, insomniac first cousin... oh, for the love of Hecate somebody stop me.
Orpheus
received 9% of 99 votes

Gunn: Whoa. Back it up for the new guy. You saying poppin' mama threw you a beating?
Lorne: Kid Vicious did the heavy lifting. Cordy just mwa-ha-ha'd at us.
Inside Out
received 9% of 33 votes

Angel: Getting everyone to look over here while the real action was happening over there.
Lorne: That explains why my mojo's been gunked up. Queen Bee-atch put the whammy on me.
Inside Out
received 9% of 33 votes

Gunn: Definitely heard splashin'. It's gotta be him.
Fred: Unless it was another one of those skittering creatures.
Gunn: Yeah, well, it better skitter its hindquarters outta my way, 'cause I ain't in the mood.
Fred: Or it could just be rats.
Gunn: Now what did you have to go and say that for? Damn!
Sacrifice
received 8.9% of 45 votes

Angel: I'm supposed to be evil, but they attack me without cause. They gang up on me because I'm different. They're as bad as my father.
Connor: Fathers. Don't they suck?
Spin The Bottle
received 8.8% of 57 votes

Gwen: You seemed pretty clear tonight.
Gunn: Adrenaline rush -- when I was trying to save that girl.
Gwen: I meant when you were saving me.
Gunn: Hey, I'm just the muscle.
Gwen: Don't knock the muscle, buddy. Makes the girls go all knocky in the knees.
Players
received 8.8% of 69 votes

Lilah: Oh, I don't think you'll want it - but you'll take it. Because this... this is the offer... of a lifetime! Just not, you know, mine.
Home
received 8.7% of 46 votes

Wesley: Jasmine was creating a slave state.
Lilah: Right, where the slaves are full of giggly joy and love. Ugh, what a nightmare.
Home
received 8.7% of 46 votes

Cordelia: What is this stuff anyway? It's kinda pretty.
Wesley: It's the bodily excretion of an Ethros Demon.
Cordelia: No one could have said 'demon poo' before I touched it?
I've Got You Under My Skin
received 8.6% of 70 votes

Angel: Giles said she left Sunnydale about a week ago. Described her mental state as borderline psychotic.
Cordelia: That explains her outfit.
Five by Five
received 8.6% of 70 votes

Cordelia: Okay. Two words I don't like right off the bat: tomb and unearthed. People, you've got to leave your tombs earthed!
The Shroud of Rahmon
received 8.6% of 70 votes

Angel: Did you hear that? There's a sword. A sword to kill the Beast. And you wanted to turn me into Angelus by having an evil shaman cut off my head. Not that that wasn't a swell plan, too.
Awakening
received 8.6% of 81 votes

Wesley: You should have called one of us.
Cordelia: Oh, please. Like I'm gonna bother you guys in the middle of the night just because I want sex and can't have it.
Wesley: Actually, I meant the vision.
Couplet
received 8.5% of 82 votes

Angelus: Why the stalling? You whipped up a rain of fire, blotted out the sun, earthquakes...all to maneuver the Brady Bunch into releasing Angel's inner me. Don't you wanna kick the tires?
Beast Master: So beautifully vain, but the whirlwind doesn't always revolve around you. Destruction sometimes is its own reward.
Angelus: Hey, man, you're preaching to the guy who ate the choir.
Release
received 8.1% of 99 votes

Spike: In my day, no self-respecting creature of the night went out on All Hallow's Eve. We left that to the posers, the blighters who had to dress up and try to be scary.
Life of the Party
received 8.1% of 74 votes

Fred (staggering): Wesley, I am totally drunk-faced.
Wesley (also drunk): Because you can't hold your... what are you drinking?
Fred: Nothing.
Wesley: You can't hold that.
Life of the Party
received 8.1% of 74 votes

Angel: So how many are we dealing with?
Gunn: None. Last sweep was 10 minutes ago: Spike's the only noncorporeal in the building.
Ghost Woman (whispering to Spike): It's coming for you.
Spike (to Gunn): Check again.
Hellbound
received 8% of 62 votes

Gunn: We can switch if you don't like the - you know, the kung pao or whatever.
Wesley: Feng shui.
Gunn: Right. What's that mean again?
Wesley: That people will believe anything.
Conviction
received 7.9% of 89 votes

Wesley: Orb of Ramgarin!
Gunn: "Orb of Ramgarin, please," makes it happen.
Wesley: Please. And do be careful. Ancient conjuring orbs are notoriously fragile.
Gunn: [Tosses Orb at Wes]
Wesley: ANGEL!
Angel: Guys, don't listen to it, alright? Whatever it's whispering to you, just ignore it.
Cordelia: They were like this all the way over here in the car.
Are You Now, or Have You Ever Been
received 7.8% of 52 votes

Wesley: The ones you're spending so much time with lately. Knox, for example.
Fred: Uh, we're, you know, heh heh, friendly, but he's under me-- or I'm on top of him. Professionally.
Unleashed
received 7.8% of 64 votes

Spike: I can't. We got a history, him and me.
Fred: What?
Spike: It was a long time ago. He was a young Watcher, fresh out of the academy, when we crossed paths. It was a, what-you-call, battle of wills...and blood was spilled. Vendettas were sworn. It was a whole--
Fred: My god... you're so full of crap.
Unleashed
received 7.8% of 64 votes

Pavayne: No. No! Defilers! I'll cut you into nothing! I'll feast on your brains. I'll swim in lakes of your own blood.
Angel (punches Pavayne): You'll shut the hell up.
Spike: Don't kill him. If he becomes a spirit again, we'll never stop him.
Angel: Fine. No killing. Just a whole lot of bruisin'.
Hellbound
received 7.5% of 53 votes

Lilah: He's gonna kill us.
Cordelia: I know. Why do you think I let him out, you stupid bitch?
Calvary
received 7.4% of 81 votes

Demon: Do you want to live in a dirt hole?
Fred: No.
Demon: Then why the hell do you think that I live in a dirt hole?!
Fred: You're a demon.
Demon: I'm an executive demon, thank you very much. I had an office and an assistant and a beautiful porcelain cup for my tea. Now I live in a dirt hole because of those freakin' Jasmaniacs and their demon jihad!
Magic Bullet
received 7.4% of 54 votes

Lorne: I can't believe little old Fred managed to sway Angel back to the dark side.
Gunn: Evil. Not evil. Evil again. Wish he'd make up his mind.
Magic Bullet
received 7.4% of 54 votes

Angel: Attacked? I thought you had double protection sanctorium spells?
Lorne: I do. It's a thing with the door and the stairs and the world and the thing. Never mind!
Gunn: Apparently you can be outside and shove stuff in.
Lorne: I just said that.
Lullaby
received 7.3% of 82 votes

Fred: What? No! This is worse! Much worse! I wish he had broken up with me!
Cordelia: Fred, I hate to say this, but... are you sure he didn't? I mean, those things you said he said to you...
Fred: I know I said he said those things to me, but he would never say those things to me!
Cordelia: Those things he said?
Fred: Exactly! That's how I know he's in trouble!
Double or Nothing
received 7.3% of 55 votes

Fred: Connor is new to this world, alone, probably scared.
Gunn: Yeah, he looked scared, kicking my ass.
A New World
received 7.3% of 55 votes

Gwen: So, I'm in a jam. I can't get out of it alone. I need someone suave, a guy who can handle himself in a tight spot.
Angel: Gwen, I'd love to help --
Gwen (gestures to Gunn): I meant him.
Players
received 7.3% of 69 votes

Gunn: I know you hate working here, what with the bureaucracy and the fact that most of our employees want us dead. But in-house attacks are down 30% this week. And we've done more good here in a month than
Angel: investigations did in a year.
Angel: I know, I'm just... I don't know, just feeling a bit...
Spike: Squishy?
Angel: Disconnected.
The Cautionary Tale of Numero Cinco
received 7.3% of 41 votes

Lorne: Don't sweat it, sweetie pie. I've got my flakcatcher spinning this into P.R. gold. Once the word spreads you beat up an innocent old man, well, the truly terrible will think twice before going toe-to-toe with our avenging Angel.
Spike: Yes. The geriatric community will be soiling their nappies when they hear you're on the case.
The Cautionary Tale of Numero Cinco
received 7.3% of 41 votes

Number Five: But still the demon did not want my heart.
Angel: He didn't want mine, either.
Number Five: Of course not, amigo. Who would want that dried-up walnut of a dead thing?
The Cautionary Tale of Numero Cinco
received 7.3% of 41 votes

Cordelia: Do you even know where you're headed?
Wesley: Rogue Demon Hunters rarely do. Wherever evil lurks, wherever the forces of darkness threaten humanity, that's where I'll be.
Cordelia: Oh, okay. Well, keep in touch.
Parting Gifts
received 7.1% of 70 votes

Host: Remember when I said I loved this dimension and I'm never, never, never gonna leave? Exactly which "never" did you not understand?
Over the Rainbow
received 7.1% of 84 votes

Angelus: Aw, crap! You mean killing the Beast really does bring back the sun? I thought that was just Angel's retarded fantasy.
Salvage
received 7.1% of 99 votes

Angel: Wes, it's not gonna happen.
Wesley: Why?
Angel: Because I'm not that guy. That guy is charming and funny and...emotionally useful. I'm the guy in the dark corner with the blood habit and the 200 years of psychic baggage.
Wesley: Get over it!
Smile Time
received 7% of 100 votes

Gunn: I'm the guy that's gonna be kicking a whole mess of ass if somebody don't tell me what's going on.
Cordelia: What do they call you for short?
Spin The Bottle
received 7% of 57 votes

Lilah: Go downstairs and check it out. Gavin, ask yourself this question: what are you more afraid of? A giant murderous demon... or me?
Gavin: I'll be right back.
Habeas Corpses
received 7% of 57 votes

Lorne: Then I see Mr. Considerate here, covered in blood, making mashed potatoes out of this fella. And before I could get to, "What's wrong with this picture?" He clocks me right in the coconut.
Destiny
received 6.9% of 72 votes

Wesley: And how does your kind define "love"?
Demon: Same as all bodies. Same as everywheres. Love is sacrifice.
Sacrifice
received 6.7% of 45 votes

Lilah: Now weigh that against ending the suffering of millions... but you fixed that.
Fred: No, we didn't. I--I mean, we did, we--we fixed it, but not in the way that you're trying to make it sound.
Lilah: Jeez, it's not like it was a criticism.
Home
received 6.5% of 46 votes

Fred: We accepted the offer to take over the L.A. Branch of an evil, multi-dimensional law firm because we thought we could make a difference. Use the resources of Wolfram & Hart to do something decent.
Angel: And how does that have anything to do with Spike?
Hellbound
received 6.5% of 62 votes

Spike: What if I am? Not like it's such a big, bleeding deal, is it? If a ponce like you could break out--
Angel: I never escaped from hell. All I got was a short reprieve. Not even sure how I managed that.
Spike: Oh, put your martyr away, Mahatma.
Hellbound
received 6.5% of 62 votes

Angel: You think any of it matters? The things we did. The lives we destroyed. That's all that's ever gonna count. So, yeah - surprise! You're going to hell. We both are.
Spike: Then why even bother? Try to do the right thing, make a difference...
Angel: What else are we gonna do?
Hellbound
received 6.5% of 62 votes

Wesley: Are you saying the council wants me to come back?
Mr. Wyndam-Pryce: Not necessarily. Your name's proven to be a point of contention. There are some who believe that your tenure as watcher ranks as our most embarrassing failure.
Wesley: Really. I beat out everybody dying in an explosion as most embarrassing failure.
Lineage
received 6.4% of 110 votes

Fred: The lab technician?
Knox: Yeah. I don't know him. Oh, okay, he was fired.
[He reads.]
Knox: Oh, no, I'm sorry. He was *set* on fire.
Conviction
received 6.3% of 95 votes

Nina: Don't tell me what you know! You didn't wake up and find out you're a... monster. You don't know anything.
Angel: I'm not a werewolf, like you, but I--I know what it's like. I'm a monster, too.
Nina: So, what? You're, like, a Frankenstein?
Unleashed
received 6.3% of 64 votes

Angel: Connor's not a part of this.
Lorne: Evidence upside my head to the contrary.
Inside Out
received 6.1% of 33 votes

Fred: We should've done this a long time ago. I don't know what I was thinking letting these books be all unorganized.
Lorne: Well, one does tend to let the housekeeping slide during an Apocalyptolite.
Shiny Happy People
received 6.1% of 33 votes

Connor: She's amazing. You'll go nuts.
Gunn: Yeah, that'll definitely help us relate better.
Shiny Happy People
received 6.1% of 33 votes

Lilah: Money, clothes, women. Did I mention we have a juice bar?
Angel: This is what you came back from the dead for? To play Let's Make an Evil Deal?
Home
received 6.1% of 33 votes

Wesley: Get everyone out of here. We have to evacuate the entire building!
Spike (starts to leave, then stops): Wait. What the hell am I worried about?
Lineage
received 6.1% of 83 votes

Doyle: A good fight, yeah? You never know until you've been tested. I get that now.
Hero
received 6% of 100 votes

Wesley: And I'd love a cup of coffee.
Angel: Very funny.
Cordelia: Two sugars in mine.
Angel: Man, atonement's a bitch.
Disharmony
received 6% of 84 votes

Man: I just want to be near her, you know? Saw her on the news last night. And I wanted to say thanks for making me feel--
[He breaks down in tears.]
Lorne: Hey, preaching to the choir. I thought Our Lady of the Perpetual Sea Breeze was the real deal until the Divine Miss J walked right through that door and right into my ass. Which is where my heart is, physiologically... I could show you an X-ray.
Magic Bullet
received 5.9% of 34 votes

Shopkeeper: I just don't worry about it anymore.
Fred: So, you don't worry that it's possible for someone to send out a biological or electronic trigger that effectively overrides your own sense of ideals and values, and replaces them with an alternative coercive agenda that reduces you to little more than a mindless meat puppet?
Shopkeeper: Wow. People used to think that *I* was paranoid.... I mean, don't get me wrong. I still got the implants in my head. C.I.A. is still listening in. It just doesn't bother me anymore. Instead, I--I beam Jasmine's love up to their satellite, you know? Share the love with those M.K.-Ultra bastards.
Fred (sarcastically): That'll teach 'em.
Magic Bullet
received 5.9% of 34 votes

Cordelia: You know, there's nothing like riding in a convertible with the top down to make you see the sun and sand. Mmmm. Smell that salt air.
Wesley: That's not salt.
Cordelia: I don't think it's air, either.
War Zone
received 5.8% of 52 votes

Cordelia: Maybe we can help.
Gunn: You two? I find Deevak, I'm gonna need more than C-3PO and Stick Figure Barbie backin' me up, no offense.
Wesley: Very little taken.
First Impressions
received 5.8% of 52 votes

Gunn: Morimoto-san. Konbanwa.
Morimoto: Konbanwa. Okoshi kudasai arigato gozaimasu.
Gunn: Sorry, didn't follow that last bit. Shot my entire Japanese vocabulary when I said hello.
Players
received 5.8% of 69 votes

Demon: This is Jay-don. He talks too much.
Angel: I'm a people person. I like the shirt. Where'd you get that, at Ed's Big and Spiny?
Spiny Demon: He's funny. You're funny. You'll be even funnier when I crush your head.
Angel: Funny 'ha, ha' or funny peculiar?
The Shroud of Rahmon
received 5.7% of 70 votes

Drusilla: It's not Daddy. It's never Daddy. It's the Angel-beast.
Darla: Come to punish us?
Drusilla: Yeah, yeah. Spank us till Tuesday. We promise to be bad if you do.
Reunion
received 5.7% of 70 votes

Gunn: Yeah. And don't try to tell us there is no way to go but up, because the truth is there is always more down.
Virginia: Oh! And that was very well said by the way. But I found a case for you. A client. A rich one.
Wesley: Really?
Cordelia: And this isn't the first thing you say when you come in the room?
Virginia: Well, I got distracted by your waves of desperation.
Happy Anniversary
received 5.7% of 70 votes

Gunn (reading): Got it. The dark soul.
Angel: What's it say?
Gunn: A lot. There are over thirty-two hundred different references. Four of them are about you.
Hellbound
received 5.7% of 53 votes

Pavayne: You dare!
Spike: Quite a bit, mate. "Reality bends to desire." That was it, right? That's why I could touch Fred, write your name in the glass. All I had to do was want it bad enough... And guess what I want to do now, you prissy son of a bitch!
Hellbound
received 5.7% of 53 votes

Angel: Where's home?
Tina: Missoula, Montana. You've been to Missoula?
Angel: During the Depression. Uh, my depression. I was depressed there.
City Of
received 5.6% of 72 votes

Cordelia: So, um, are you still.... "GRRR"?
Angel: Yeah, there's not actually a cure for that.
City Of
received 5.6% of 72 votes

Gunn (picking an office): I want the one on the left. This one makes me feel a little bit less completely out of place. I'd say seventeen percent less. Plus, a little bit of a view of the mountains. Lived my whole life in L.A., now I find out there are mountains. A brother should be told.
Conviction
received 5.6% of 89 votes

Angel: You know the worst part about losing your free will?
Wesley: Having no control over your body?
Angel: Well, there's that . . . and you get really nauseous.
Lineage
received 5.6% of 72 votes

Harmony: Couldn't you have given him a stern warning or something first?
Angel: It's called a "zero tolerance" policy, not a "maybe this once" policy.
Harm's Way
received 5.5% of 18 votes

Fred: Looks like we've been following Angel's son's emissions the whole time!
Gunn: Now there's a sentence I don't ever need to hear again.
Benediction
received 5.4% of 55 votes

Emil: It comes down to trust. There's no Better Business Bureau for what we do. Customer complaints are dealt with through killing, torture, beating... sometimes fire. We call it "word of mouth advertising."
Wesley (unimpressed): If I'd known this was going to be a seminar, I'd have worn my name tag.
Lineage
received 5.4% of 110 votes

Wesley: Lorne runs our entertainment division.
Mr. Wyndam-Pryce: Entertainment division. Well, I can see how that would be very useful in the fight against evil.
Gunn: You'd be amazed at how many horrible movies we've stopped.
Lineage
received 5.4% of 110 votes

Gunn: Look, I know legal weasels and business deals aren't as heroic to you as rescuing young honeys from tumescent trolls, but I love what we do.
Angel: Tumescent...trolls?
Gunn: Went a little Johnnie Cochran on ya.
The Cautionary Tale of Numero Cinco
received 4.9% of 41 votes

Wesley: The police are on it, but my sense is it's more demonic than some murderous nut job.
Spike: So we're ruling out demonic nut jobs, then are we?
The Cautionary Tale of Numero Cinco
received 4.9% of 41 votes

Wesley: I understand you're feeling rejected. But this Aztec warrior, it wants the hearts for sustenance. It wants it for the meat, not the metaphor.
Angel: What are you saying?
Gunn: As meat goes, your heart's a dried-up hunk of gnarly-ass beef jerky.
The Cautionary Tale of Numero Cinco
received 4.9% of 41 votes

Spike: Don't mean to interrupt the sitting in the dark basement, mate, but could you point the quickest way back to the lab? As the ghost flies?
[He sees that the man is chopping off his own fingers.]
Spike: Take that as a "no," then.
Hellbound
received 4.8% of 62 votes

Angel: I realize this may be somewhat of a horror show to you. But I hope you can keep an open mind. We really are doing good work here.
Mr. Wyndam-Pryce: So I'm told. Incessantly, in fact.
Lineage
received 4.8% of 83 votes

Spike: Are you worried that ol' Spike might be bustin' loose of your shackles?
Eve: What are you talking about?
Spike: Save the innocent act. Your here-to-help cheerleader routine may work on Angel, but I see right through it. There's more to you than you're letting on.
Eve: Could say the same for you.
Lineage
received 4.8% of 83 votes

Mr. Wyndam-Pryce: In my days we fought werewolves, vampires, the occasional swamp man. And now we have protohuman cybernetic chain fighters.
Wesley: Yes, well, times are more complicated.
Lineage
received 4.8% of 83 votes

Doyle: See, you need to chat people up a bit more casual like, you know? "Hi, what's your name? How's life treating you? What's that you say? Minions from hell getting you down?"
Lonely Hearts
received 4.2% of 72 votes

Doyle: Let's march down to the bank right now and deposit this beauty.
Angel: You guys go on. I think I'll stay here and not burst into flames.
Doyle: Oh, right, you're pretty much the night deposit guy.
I Fall to Pieces
received 4.2% of 72 votes

Fred: I've been forkin' with Gunn.
That Vision Thing
received 4% of 100 votes

Gunn: All I'm saying is, he tries dancing in here and pulling a Dark Shadows again, he's gonna get a dart up his evil ass.
Fred: Well, his ass moves pretty quick.
Release
received 4% of 99 votes

Wesley: Sorry. I think my sense of humor's trapped in a jar somewhere.
Willow: It does seem like you've given in to the grumpy side of the Force.
Orpheus
received 4% of 99 votes

Harmony: Good luck: the morale around here stinks.
Angel: What?
Harmony: Uh-huh. Everybody thinks you suck... Well, come on, boss. They're all out there, sweating through their Matsutas, worried if you're gonna axe them or, you know, axe them.
Life of the Party
received 4% of 74 votes

Cordelia: You need protection.
Gunn: And how exactly do you plan on protecting me -- with some weak-ass, lady smith battle axe?
Cordelia: Ask Joey and his cracked skull just how "weak-ass" it is.
First Impressions
received 3.8% of 52 votes

Angelus: I don't know. Maybe he doesn't remember the good times. Maybe he won't let himself. So like him. Here's one for you. What's the deal with Angel and the Raiders of the Lost Ark?
Wesley: The movie?
Angelus: The perfect-day fantasy he came up with. Caves, booby traps... the requisite phallic sword.
Soulless
received 3.7% of 81 votes

Lilah: Don't go Watchtower on me, Saint Cordelia. I don't think I could stomach it.
Cordelia: Man, I'd love to punch your face in.
Lilah: Are you trying to turn me on?
Calvary
received 3.7% of 81 votes

Fred: Sit down! Any monkey business, and I'll chop you down like a cherry tree.
Magic Bullet
received 3.7% of 54 votes

[Wesley accidentally activated a bomb.]
Knox: Do you see a trip mechanism?
Wesley: You mean the one I just tripped?
Lineage
received 3.6% of 83 votes

Angel: The Eye of Fire.
Wesley: Ancient alchemical symbol for fire.
Angel: And destruction.
Gunn: You had me at fire.
Apocalypse, Nowish
received 3.5% of 57 votes

Wesley: However, it appears that was not her only function. I've just found an entry in Rhinehardt's Compendium for that same little girl-- or rather the entity presenting itself as one. Her name is Mesektet.
Fred: Hmm... I figured Tiffany or Brandi.
Long Day's Journey
received 3.5% of 57 votes

Fred: Sorry. Little preoccupied.
Wesley: The Magdalene Grimoire, Necronomicon des Mortes, Hochstadter's Treatise on Fractal Geometry in 12-dimensional Space. "Preoccupied" might not be the word we're looking for.
Hellbound
received 3.2% of 62 votes

Spike (to Angel): Just thought we could hang is all. Couple of vampires from the old days doing our... hangy thing.
Hellbound
received 3.2% of 62 votes

Eve: The rest of the world, including your best friends never even heard of Connor.
Angel: That's not a name I want passing through your lips.
Eve: And what would you like passing through my lips?
Conviction
received 3.1% of 95 votes

Nina (speaking of her niece): She's a really good artist.
Angel: Oh. My refrigerator's always available, if she's looking to show.
Unleashed
received 3.1% of 64 votes

Wesley: Seems you're taking this personally.
Angel: Well, she tried to shoot my own personal back, so yeah.
Five by Five
received 3% of 100 votes

Angel: You haven't heard a word I've said. For, like, years back.
Lindsey: Well, you get a little speechy, all right? And I breeze out. I got the Cliff Notes. Honor and humanity - absolute good, I heard it. So here's the plot twist: I'm in.
Not Fade Away
received 3% of 100 votes

Gunn: So...if you couldn't touch, guess that means you've never--
Gwen: Nope. Nope. Anyway, thanks for turning me...off.
Players
received 3% of 33 votes

Sirk: Choose something to read. Go on, anything at all. Something rare.
Wesley: All right. The Devandire Sibylline Codex.
Sirk: Translated or Sanskrit?
Wesley: Surprise me.
Home
received 3% of 33 votes

Wesley: You wanted me to see this. You knew I'd--
Lilah: Die Hard your way up here? Come on, Wes. Who knows you better than me?
Home
received 3% of 33 votes

Cordelia: Oh crap! You're him...he...the guy. Apt pupil boy!
Somnambulist
received 2.9% of 70 votes

Angel: This is strictly recon. I need to know exactly what we're dealing with before we make any moves.
Wesley: Right you are. Deliberate, cautious approach would be the most sensible plan. "Fools rush in."
Cordelia: No, he wants you to stay here.
The Prodigal
received 2.9% of 70 votes

Gwen: They're keeping her at his compound. It's gated. Armed guards, infrared surveillance, dogs, the works. If we're gonna have half a chance -- ... You're gonna have to stop grinning like that and share the joke with the entire class. You think this is impossible?
Gunn: No, I think it's fantastic. Listen, I spent most of this year trapped in what I can only describe as a turgid supernatural soap-opera. The fact that I have a chance to go out and really help somebody...Well, you know, it feels good to be doing good.
Players
received 2.9% of 69 votes

[Jasmine listens to a recording of herself.]
Jasmine: I sound like the prologue to one of those movies about magical dwarves.
Gunn: Hobbits. And you watch movies?
Magic Bullet
received 2.9% of 34 votes

Gunn: I just went to the white room to see what the big cat had to say.
Angel: And?
Gunn: Cat's gone.
Eve: Gone?
Gunn: The white room, too. Elevator just opened up into a howling abyss. You ever heard a howling abyss? Terrible sound.
Destiny
received 2.8% of 72 votes

Lorne: And believe me, Milk Dud, speaking as the head of your P.R. Department, we need all the face we can get.
Angel: "Milk Dud"?
Lorne: Said with affection.
Life of the Party
received 2.7% of 74 votes

Nathan: I'll consider both options. And the current status of Angel?
Lindsey: Angel? - He's up, he's down. - He's good, he's bad. He's a barrel of dead monkeys...
Dead End
received 2.4% of 84 votes

Angelus: Why are people always riding off and leaving me? Am I a bad bloke...?
Heartthrob
received 2.4% of 84 votes

Cordelia: Hey, what are friends for?
Darla: If you ask me, they're for knocking you up and leaving you high and dry.
Offspring
received 2.4% of 82 votes

Wesley: I'd forgotten that Aztec culture was so violent.
Gunn: Yeah, 'cause our culture's so at peace.
The Cautionary Tale of Numero Cinco
received 2.4% of 41 votes

Wesley: You want to talk about me. All right. The last girl I was with I had to chop into little tiny pieces because a higher power saw fit to stab her in the neck.
Mr. Wyndam-Pryce: You don't want to discuss it. Fine. But spare me the sarcasm. It's too embarrassing.
Lineage
received 2.4% of 83 votes

(Wesley attacks a cyborg.)
Mr. Wyndam-Pryce: What do you think you're doing? I had attack priority.
Wesley: We're not fencing!
Mr. Wyndam-Pryce: We still follow the basic rules.
Lineage
received 2.4% of 83 votes

Angel: So tell me. Why do they call you "Spanky"?
Spanky: I'm a big "Our Gang" fan.
Angel: That's what I figured.
Conviction
received 2.3% of 89 votes

Jasmine: Where's Angel?
Wesley: You're omniscient. You tell us.
Peace Out
received 2.2% of 45 votes

Lilah: Whatsa matter, Ace? Didn't think you were the only one who ever gets to come back from hell around here, didja?
Home
received 2.2% of 46 votes

Gunn: Vampire?
Lilah: Ewww. Please. Angelus drank from me, true. But, like with most men, it was a one way street.
Home
received 2.2% of 46 votes

Knox: I'll get someone on it.
Fred: Don't get someone on it, *have* someone on it. Did we build this thing? Do we have an antidote? Do--do we have an Antidote Department? Do you do anything besides pretending you're running an evil Radio Shack?
Conviction
received 2.1% of 95 votes

Angel: I talked to people... Laura.
Cordy: Laura thought you hated her. I had to tell her you were challenged.
She
received 2% of 100 votes

Elliot: I thought I said discreet.
Gwen: What? Do you see a nipple?
Ground State
received 1.9% of 53 votes

Wesley: Consider her armed, dangerous, and quite possibly insane. Don't let her grace or gentle beauty fool you. Winifred Burkle is a monster, a siren hoping to lure you away from Jasmine and onto the rocks of heresy and destruction.
Gunn: Amen to that.
Magic Bullet
received 1.9% of 54 votes

Lorne: Uh, it's about the party? I've done all I can do for the big to-do, but we've still got a few bugs to comb out of the cootie garage.
[Angel frowns and starts to close his door.]
Lorne: A bridge too far? Uh, let me try it again...
received 1.9% of 53 votes

Fred: Okay, so he survived an unspeakable hell dimension -- I mean, who hasn't? But you can't just leave him all alone on the streets of Los Angeles!
Benediction
received 1.8% of 55 votes

Angel: You're trying to hide it. I can smell it on you.
Lilah: Chanel?
Angel: Fear.
Lilah: Well, you are very imposing in this light.
Apocalypse, Nowish
received 1.8% of 57 votes

Spike: And when it's not that time of month? She'll be wracked by the guilties, what with a soul and all.
Angel: Didn't seem to bother you.
Unleashed
received 1.6% of 64 votes

Gunn: I'm all up in the law now, but - damn! - it feels good to get my violence on.
Unleashed
received 1.6% of 64 votes

Fred: You're more than a common spectral disturbance. I've never seen anything like you.
Spike: Bet you say that to all the spirits.
Fred: Oh. Your radiant heat signature's dropped another .02 degrees.
Spike: Thought it was a bit nippy.
Hellbound
received 1.6% of 62 votes

Cordelia: Claws or hands?
Wesley: He wrote 'claw-like hands.'
Cordelia: Could be a mixed-breed. Smell?
Wesley: Sulfuric.
Cordelia: Add a Porsche and hair plugs, and I've dated this guy. A lot.
The Ring
received 1.4% of 70 votes

Gwen: Nothing's changed, you know. Morimoto's still a bad guy. You're still a good one.
Gunn: You know, I can't believe I actually took time out of the apocalypse for this.
Players
received 1.4% of 69 votes

Sebassis: So. This is the mighty Angel. I've been told many things about you. Bit of a restless frog, hmm? Making lots of waves in your little swamp.
Angel: Yeah, well, I'm just trying to keep the fly population down.
Life of the Party
received 1.4% of 74 votes

Wesley: Tell me, father, what is it that galls you so, that I was never as good at the job as you? Or that I just might be better?
Mr. Wyndam-Pryce: Oh yes. This is Los Angeles. We have to talk about our feelings. Then maybe we'll hug.
Wesley: It's doubtful.
Lineage
received 1.4% of 72 votes

Cordelia: You were so... brave.
Doyle: You think you could say that again without so much shock in your voice? You're steppin' on my moment of manliness here.
Bachelor Party
received 1.3% of 72 votes

Lorne: Hey, listen, Angelcakes, if it's all the same with you, I think I might sit this one out upstairs. You know how dark magick unleashing unspeakable evil gives me the heebies.
Awakening
received 1.3% of 81 votes

Beast: The boy joins the father in death.
Connor: No. In kicking your stony ass.
Awakening
received 1.3% of 81 votes

Cordelia: Out on a case.
Fred: There's a young woman whose dead boyfriend is stalking her.
Angel: That's terrible. Did you...
Cordelia: I ran her credit. She's solvent.
Provider
received 1.2% of 82 votes

Beast Master: I have wonderful plans for you, my sweet boy.
Angelus: Um, yeah, but the thing is, as far as plans go, I make my own. So, you know, thanks for stopping by my head.
Release
received 1% of 99 votes

Fred: What we've got here is a modification of the TS-113 Sniper Rifle. We've altered its targeting and firing mechanisms to fit the parameters you gave us. Scope works along amplified thermal wavelengths.
Emil: God... You are making me so hot right now.
Fred: Wow. Turned on by a woman holding an enormous gun. What a surprise.
Lineage
received 1% of 110 votes

Fred: Listen to you. You're blaming yourself because poor Fred got hurt. Stop trying to be all valiant - you're coming off like a self-pitying child.
Wesley (looking past her): Hello, Father.
Fred: Oh, yeah, that's mature. Well, I wish I was your father. I'd tell you to grow up.
Mr. Wyndam-Pryce: It doesn't work. I've tried.
Lineage
received 1% of 110 votes

Doyle: All I'm saying is, if you and I ever hope to take that cruise to the Bahamas together, we're going to need a lot more clients with means.
Cordelia: And an alternate reality in which you're Matthew McConaughey.
In The Dark
received 0% of 72 votes

Doyle: If you ever want to, you know, spend one night away from the place, maybe give me a call.
Cordelia: Well, stranger things have happened. No... wait... they really haven't.
Rm W/A View
received 0% of 72 votes

Cordelia: I'm really not a seer. I only had a vision once, and I'm pretty sure it was just something I ate!
Parting Gifts
received 0% of 70 votes

Wesley: Angel said it was as if she anticipated his actions before he carried them out.
Cordelia: A handy skill -- in a fight or on a date.
Blind Date
received 0% of 52 votes

Angel: It's gift. To feel that heart beat - to know, really and for once, that you're alive. You're human again, Darla. You know what that means?
Darla: Of course I do. It means pain and suffering and disease and death. Look, I released you from this world once, I gave you eternal life. Now it's time for you to return the favor.
Angel: Favor? Is that what you think? You think you did me a favor? You damned me.
Darla
received 0% of 70 votes

Fred: This is so wrong in so many ways. I mean, it isn't money or a stuffed bunny Angel's playing for. It's my boyfriend.
Angel: Fred, I understand you're nervous. Don't be. I've been around a long time. Played a lot of cards and won a lot of bets.
Fred: See, that's where we're different. I tend to get lost and lose things.
Double or Nothing
received 0% of 55 votes

Lilah: Hmm. That didn't suck. Well maybe just a little bit.
Wesley: Perhaps that is something we can expand on next time.
Lilah: What makes you think there will be a next time?
Wesley: Because you can't resist me.
Deep Down
received 0% of 53 votes

Angel: I never got the chance to thank you. Finding me, bringing me up. Must have been hard for you. No map, all that water.
Ground State
received 0% of 53 votes

Angel: No one's going to jail, Fred. I told you, a heist like this, I've done it a million times. Okay. Maybe twice, but I'm good at it. I swear!
Gunn: Uh, you're not counting the time we stole the crazy making death shroud that nearly killed us, right?
Ground State
received 0% of 53 votes

Man: I'm too late, aren't I? For a room?
Lorne: Yeah, 'fraid so, Buckaroo. Singles, suites, even the mouse holes are triple-booked. I got pilgrims pitching pup-tents in the parking lot. Try saying that three times fast, and you'll get a sense of the day I'm having.
Magic Bullet
received 0% of 34 votes

Angel: How is it that you always know exactly what each person needs to hear?
Jasmine: Just look into their hearts. And sometimes, it's right on their face.
[She speaks to a man with a mustache.]
Jasmine: Señor...
Mexican Man: Si?
Jasmine (in Spanish): Your moustache provides you great strength and dignity.
Magic Bullet
received 0% of 34 votes

Gunn: This close, then she pulled a Houdini.
Connor: What's a Houdini?
Magic Bullet
received 0% of 34 votes

Jasmine: So much pain, suffering...must hurt so terribly.
Gunn: Don't get all gloaty. Not the worst beating we've ever taken.
Peace Out
received 0% of 45 votes

Jasmine: I only wish it was within my power to take you back.
Fred: Nobody asked.
Peace Out
received 0% of 45 votes

Reporter: Hi. Tracy Bellows, KTLA. Could I get you to say a few words? This is such a special day, and as Jasmine's father, you must be so proud--
Connor (walking away): Bursting.
Peace Out
received 0% of 45 votes

Angel: Wolfram & Hart. The contract she signed with them extends beyond her death.
Lilah: Standard perpetuity clause, I'm afraid. Always read the fine print
Home
received 0% of 46 votes

Wesley: So you opted to, what, uh, play for the other side? Cross the line?
Sirk: These are complicated times. Lines become blurry. How did you know?
Wesley: Something about Watchers and--
[He punches Sirk, knocking him out.]
Wesley: --libraries.
Home
received 0% of 33 votes

Gunn: I can't even remember which pile is which.
Angel: I'll get my secretary to go through it in the morning. Do I have a secretary?
Wesley: I imagine they'll find you someone who can stomach the idea of working for the side of the righteous.
Conviction
received 0% of 89 votes

Eve: Lot simpler fighting vamps on the street, wasn't it? Tricked-out pickup, loyal gang, just you and the pointy wood against the living dead.
Gunn: This gonna be a thing with you, jumping out at people, or do you just not have an office of your own?
Conviction
received 0% of 89 votes

Wesley: Corbin Fries. The lowest piece of pond scum I've met in, oh, hours. He's about to get 20 years for kidnapping, pimping--
Angel: I saw the file.
Wesley: Yeah, well, personally, I think he deserves to be eaten by weasels, but he's hinting we'd best help him. Threatening, actually.
Conviction
received 0% of 89 votes

Judge: I have brokers who do my... You submit that I could possibly have known about this connection?
Gunn: I found out, and I've been on the case--
[He checks his watch.]
Gunn: --6 hours.
Conviction
received 0% of 95 votes

Angel: We don't know how many of them are holding grudges against us, or against each other. It's a perfect recipe for an out-of-control bloodbath.
Lorne: That's describing every good party I've ever been to.
Life of the Party
received 0% of 74 votes

Number Five: Never disrespect the memory of my brothers. They were honorable men - luchadores. Mexican wrestlers. The greatest that ever lived. Together we were known as Los Hermanos Numeros.
Angel: "The Number Brothers"?
The Cautionary Tale of Numero Cinco
received 0% of 41 votes

Fred: They gave me the all clear.
Wesley: I was just coming down to find you.
Fred: Though I do have to take a boatload of antibiotics. Apparently, there's some concern about where that grappling hook's been.
Lineage
received 0% of 110 votes

Fred (to Wesley): We were wanting you to decipher it before we went digging around in there. Wesley handles this sort of stuff for us all the time. He's a genius when it comes to languages.
Mr. Wyndam-Pryce: Oh, the academy didn't make him head boy for nothing... Mind you, as I recall, the pickings were a bit slim that year.
Lineage
received 0% of 83 votes

Spike: How exactly are you gonna work this out, boss man? You tell me we're making a tear in the galaxy or whatnot? You think you're just gonna sew that back up?
Destiny
received 0% of 72 votes

Angel: Ask yourself. Is this really the destiny that was meant for you? Do you even really want it? Or is it that you just want to take something away from me?
Spike (with a shrug): Bit of both.
Destiny
received 0% of 18 votes

Angel: He beat me to the cup.
Gunn: You mean the fake cup? The make-believe, fairy-tale cup? So what?!
Destiny
received 0% of 18 votes

Eve: Spike didn't kill Angel, but they did beat each other to bloody pulps.
Lindsey: Well... it's a start.
Destiny
received 0% of 18 votes

Rudy: You're up today.
Harmony: Oh, come on, Rudy. You know I've been off the human blood for months!
Rudy: Company policy. Give me the finger.
Harm's Way
received 0% of 18 votes

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Quotes Index » Angel Quotes Poll Results » Angel Quotes Page 2

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