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 Angel's Secrets

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Poetry

Disclaimer: I don't own any of the BtVS characters. They belong to the great Joss Whedon, WB, etc. I'm not making any money, so please don't sue.

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The Sign on the Tollbooth Says Closed

By Dreamer
lalaland(at)3n.net

Author's Notes: This is a poem from Cordy's POV, 3rd season. The title more of a metaphor, so don't spend the whole poem looking for a tollbooth. It's my first poem, so I hope everyone likes it. Mega thanks to my beta readers Becca and Kitty, and to Robin B. who helped me come up with the title.

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I never used to really care
Or notice those around me
'Til I went to a group of outcasts
And begged them to please, please help me

They taught me about demons and monsters
They let me into the world they shared
I learned the world wasn't quite so nice
I learned to be a person that cared

I began to see things around me
I began to let down my shields
To let people and things touch my heart
I saw that there was more than just the football field

Then I met a boy, who touched me
Like I've never been touched before
And I opened up my heart to him
Never knowing what was in store

Everything he did was cute
And he had the most gorgeous tan
Everything about him was wonderful
And he wasn't a member of some freaky clan

He was normal, which was perfect
In an incredibly gorgeous way
I took him into my heart
And hoped he'd never go away

I knew I was falling in love,
But I didn't mind the chance
Until that dreadful day,
The day of the night of the dance

He'd stood me up the night before
But although I truly tried
I just couldn't be mad at him
I just thought of him and sighed

I found him at school that day
Sitting in his favorite room
A bunch of them were sitting there
They looked like they were watching cartoons

I walked in ready to yell at him
And forgive him for what he had done
'Till I saw the scene for what it was
And wondered at what had begun

Blood covered the floors and the sofa
The blood, that came from the kids
Blood covered the room he'd been murdered in
And I knew that some of it was his

I thought I'd never get past that day
But I of course, was wrong.
The memories eventually faded
Though they lingered like a sad, sad song.

But I learned to open my heart
And to fill the void, I did
I became friends with those I had hated
Those who researched, slayed, and beheaded

I became part of a team
Unlike any I'd been on before
With stakes and spells and horror
These people touched me to the core

But I let someone in too deep
I let someone take his place
I no longer knew my surroundings
I no longer knew my place

I gave up my friends, my safe haven
The little bit of me I still knew
I was sure that I'd fallen in love
So I gave it all up, wouldn't you?

But the happiness didn't last long
Before the people who'd touched me found out
They welcomed me as part of the team
'Til they knew that we we're going out

While he was busy watching girls
I had to make them understand
Help them to accept me and trust
That I wasn't trying to steal their Xand

And then he went and betrayed me,
The one I'd given it all up for,
With that nerd, that red-head, that witch!
I just wish I could call her a whore

I know it's not really her fault
Somewhere deep down in my heart
I should have known so much better
Know I'd never have him more than in part

I know that my heart will heal over
I know that the pain will subside
But when I open my heart to those around me
They can't get out once I've let them inside

But my heart is far too fragile
It feels like it's being broken apart

By the loss and the love and the turmoil
That came from letting people into my heart

So for now I seal up my heart
And can do my best to keep them away
'Til they no longer want to be near me
Until they no longer want to stay

I have faith that I will find a man
I can love with my heart and soul
But there's a price to pay when you seal up your heart
And I fear that it will take it's toll

I've locked away my heart
So no one can get inside
So how will I know this man
When he's not in my heart, he's outside

How will I know the man I love
Who can heal me through and through
If I don't open my heart up to the world
I'll be looking for him, without a clue

To have a chance, I must open my heart up
But for now, I must seal it away
So chances of love for me are slim
And it's a price I have to pay

But I live in a town of slim chances,
Where you hope for a day to seem stale.
The impossibles are always happening
Here in the town of Sunnydale.

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So what did you think?? This is my first poem so please, please, please send feedback to lalaland(at)3n.net

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