Angel's Secrets

Fanfiction Archive

No Ordinary Love

By Aspacia

Page 1 of 3
Summary: Angelus takes Buffy to the dark side.
Spoilers: All episodes after Innocence. This story is supposed to happen some time after the ep. "Killed by Death" and before "I only have eyes for you" (I think that is what the new ep is called). This is the happy ending I have created in my dream world, a way to get rid of several pesky obstacles Joss has put in the path to eternal happiness for our beloved couple. At first this story may not seem as a "happy ending", it does have a little angst but hang on, after all good things come to those who wait.
Disclaimer: None of these characters are mine, though I wish Angel was, but anyway they belong to evil Joss Whedon etc, etc, etc. Please don't sue. I'm a poor college student and I'm just using them to vent out my frustration over the recent turn of events. I'm also borrowing some songs from wonderful artist like Chris Isaak, Alanis Morrisette, INXS etc. Please don't sue either.


Part 1

Giles sat once again in Jenny's classroom. He couldn't bring himself to call it anything else but Jenny's classroom, that would mean that she was gone forever and he wasn't ready to accept the awful truth just yet even though so many months had passed. So now he just sat in her room missing her, missing her laughter, the way she could make fun of him for being so uptight and most of all missing the way he could come to her with his secrets. She knew who he was and she accepted him for it and tried to help him save the world whenever she could. Now he asked himself why he couldn't have accepted her secrets like she had his before it was too late.

Giles started to get up, it was time to go home and change if he wanted to be on time tonight. He had been invited to Buffy's house for dinner. She said that her mom wanted to thank him for his help while she had been in the hospital. He had tried to put it off for months using every excuse known to man, but tonight he had ran out of excuses. He appreciated the gesture, but being around the kids just reminded him of Jenny. However today, he had come to her room to finally let go and say goodbye.

As he started to get up, he accidentally dropped a couple of papers from the desk. He quickly reached for the papers between the desk and the file cabinet, but as he lifted them from the floor he saw something else. It was a computer disk. It was Jenny's, her beautiful name was written on it. He held the disk on his hand for a while, not really knowing what to do. The disk was the last thing left of her in the room, everything else had been taken away by maintenance, her books, her papers, her nameplate, everything except this disk.

Going against his nature, he reached down and turned on the computer on his right. He though to himself what a miracle it was that he had even been able to turn it on. That was something else he had Jenny to thank for, now he only wished he had. As he scanned through the files on the disk he made a surprising discovery. He found a file that Jenny had been working on the night she died. Incredible pain washed over him and a desire to know what her last thoughts had been.

What Giles saw in the computer screen enraged him. She had been trying to help Angel and he had killed her for it. The hatred he already felt for the demon increased to new heights and at that very moment he made the decision. He would keep quiet about his finding. He felt sorry for Buffy, but she was young and had her whole life ahead of her, unlike Jenny. Giles knew that Angel had to die, he just couldn't get the chance at happiness that Jenny had been denied.

Giles got up from the chair and headed home to change before dinner. On his way he wondered if he had made the right decision. Did he have the right to play god with other people's lives? But the memory of Jenny's dead body on his bed quickly drowned his doubts.


The Bronze was incredibly crowded that night. Buffy sat in a corner table and watched in amazement at the number of people in the dance floor. She never thought that a retro 80's night would bring so many people to the club, but it was the latest trend. Amongst the crazy people doing the "Egyptian", were her best friends. She wasn't really sure about the name of the dance step after all she'd being a little girl in the 80's.

As the song ended her friends made it back to the table.

"Walk like an Egyptian" repeated Xander as he imitated the infamous dance step. "Buffy you missed all the fun" said Willow cheerfully as she laid her head on Oz's shoulder.

"That's okay Willow, I've had enough retro stuff tonight to last me a lifetime" replied Buffy with a beautiful smile.

"Yeah man, who would have thought that your mom and the G-man would have bonded over ABBA's music" said Xander as he reached for his drink, but not quick enough as Cordilia reached for it first.

"Don't even say their names, I've had to put up with their music all my life. I really don't know what gets into grown ups sometimes, I mean what would people think if they ever found out how wild my parents got over that music. We would probably be kicked out of the country club", said Cordelia with exasperation, finally stopping to take a breath

"I agree, 'Dancing Queen' is totally overrated," said Oz as he pulled the chair for Willow. "But still, it was nice to see Mr. Giles laugh, he hasn't done much of that since... uh, uh... in a long time".

"Since Jenny died," finished Buffy. "And yes, it was nice to see him laughing again," she added bowing her head as if asking for forgiveness.

The foursome looked at each other as they saw the change in Buffy's face. Gone was the smile and what replaced it was raw pain and guilt.

As another song started Buffy raised her head and tried to summon a smile for her friends. Faking smiles was so easy for her nowadays. She was used to pretending to be happy when in reality the pain of losing Angel was no less excruciating today than it had been the day it happened. On top of that she had to deal with the guilt she now felt for not killing the demon in time to save Jenny. The guilt she felt for allowing her feelings to get in the way of her sacred duty.

"Buffy I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to bring up bad memories tonight," said Oz.

"Don't worry about it, I'm fine," she answered. "Hey that is a good song for slow dancing, why don't you guys go and have some fun, but not too much" she said with the best smile she could summon, while trying to sound cheerful.

The foursome looked at each other with hesitation. "Are you sure Buffy, we can stay with you" said Willow, concern showing in her eyes.

"Of course I'm sure Willow, besides I enjoy watching people make fools of themselves," she answered with a chuckle.

"Fine, now we are your personal clowns," said Xander pretending to be upset. The two couples walked to the dance floor, as the new song started.


Buffy breathed a sigh of relief when finally her friends left her alone. Alone to feel the pain she couldn't hide anymore. Pain she couldn't show to them, because she didn't want their pity. She was the almighty slayer, she was supposed to be strong.

Don't ask me, what you know is true
Don't have to tell you
I love your precious heart

I, I was standing
You were there
Two worlds collided
And they could never
Ever tear us apart
-INXS "Tear Us Apart"

Buffy leaned back on her chair and though of how appropriate the were lyrics to what she was feeling right now; how appropriate to how she felt about her relationship with Angel.

There was a time when she though that it was destiny that had brought them together and that nothing could ever tear them apart.

How foolish she had been. Deep down she had known that she would loose him some day. They didn't belong in each other's worlds, hers mortal and his immortal. But the moment their worlds had collided they had unconsciously vowed to take whatever time they were given and savor every second of it. But never in her wildest and scariest dreams could she have imagined how it all came to an end.

Now she sat alone, empty and scared. Scared that she would not be able to kill the demon before it was too late; scared that he would be able to kill her friends and family; scared that the pain would never end; scared that he would be successful and kill her or worst make her insane. Maybe he already had.

She sometimes thought that she must already be insane, because after all he had done she still loved him. How could she not, he still had the same eyes, the same voice and the same smile she fell in love with the first time she saw him. If she closed her eyes she could still see the warmth and love in those eyes. She could still hear him saying, "I love you". She could still see that grin of his that made him look like a five year-old kid that had been caught with his hand in the cookie jar.

Buffy got up from the table and started walking through the crowd heading towards the door. She knew it was time to leave before she made a fool of herself and started crying in front of everybody.

When she reached the door she turned around to see her friends having fun. She decided to leave without telling them. She needed to be alone tonight. It was time to let of the past so that she could fulfill her duty and kill the man she loved, but tonight she would let herself dwell on the past and remember.


Like anyone would be
I'm flattered by you fascination with me

Like any hot-blooded woman
I have simply wanted
An object to crave

But you, you're not allowed
You're uninvited
An unfortunate side

In the shadows stood a creature, just watching, waiting. Fascinated by the pain and suffering he could see in the object of his obsession, the slayer. He had memorized every expression on her face, he knew that she was pretending that everything was okay. Knowing that his efforts are paying off gave him satisfaction, but not enough.

Must be strangely exciting
To watch the stoic squirm

Must be somewhat hard telling
To watch them burn me shepherd

But you, you're not allowed
You are uninvited
An unfortunate side

As much fun playing cat and mouse had been, it was not enough for him anymore. He hadn't considered the fact that he desperately wanted her. She filled his thoughts 24/7. All he could think about was what they could accomplish together. She was a great adversary and together they could destroy this dammed city. Together they could rule the Hellmouth.

Like any uncharted territory
I must seem greatly intriguing

You speak of my love like,
You have experienced love like mine before

But this is not allowed
You're uninvited
-Alanis Morissette "Uninvited"-

With inhuman speed Angel started moving through the crowd, following Buffy as she headed towards the exit door; following like a predator follows his prey.

As he walked behind Buffy, her body language let him know that she was completely unaware of his presence. An evil sadistic grin came upon his face with the realization that tonight she was giving him the perfect opportunity. What better moment to attack than now when she was alone and evidently vulnerable. The pain was clearly wearing her down, pain he had inflicted.

Angel couldn't wait any longer. He was bored. Drusilla had been fun, but insanity could only go so far. Buffy had given him so much pleasure and he knew that she could give him a lot more without foolish human emotions to get in the way.

The chase was finally over; tonight Angel was done playing childish games. Tonight he would bring her across and make her truly his.



Let's take a drive through the old town
Back past the place where we met
Some things are hard to remember
Some things you never forget

Let's take a walk down your old street
Who lives on your house today?
Let's see of we can remember
All the vows that we made

Kisses you gave me
The vows you made me
None of these things have changed
Nothing is changed
-Chris Isaak "Nothing is changed"-

As she stepped out of the club she stopped to let the warmth of the night surround her. She needed the warmth she was tired of feeling cold inside. But it didn't help. She wrapped her arms around her body seeking some comfort and started walking, not really sure of her destination.

Not paying attention to where she was going, she ended up in a dark alley. It was a dead-end. Cursing herself for her stupidity she looked around for a quick way out, this was the perfect place for an ambush. Looking around she realized where she was. This was a familiar place; this was where she met Angel one fateful night a year and half ago.

Buffy closed her eyes and allowed the memories to flood her mind. It was funny how she could remember everything about that night; every word, that know-it-all grin, those sad eyes. If she tried hard enough she could still hear his voice.

-"I know what you are thinking, but don't worry I don't bite"-

She laughed at herself remembering that stupid line she had given him about getting turtle wax as a consolation price. Lame much?

"Brings back a lot of memories, doesn't it?" said an arrogant voice from behind her, making every hair on her neck stand up.

As she turned around she was startled to find him standing so close to her. She had been so distracted that she never heard him coming behind her.

"Were you missing me slayer?" He leaned closer, using his body as a tool of intimidation.

"Not one bit slayee," Buffy raised her chin in defiance, trying not to show how unnerving his proximity really was. She quickly reached for the stake she had hidden in her cleavage and got into her fighting stance.

Angel smiled coldly as he slowly looked at her from her toes to the top of her head. A small shiver ran up her spine. "Babe calm down, I'm not here to fight," said Angel as he put his arms behind his back, trying to show his sincerity.

"What do you want Angel?" said Buffy as she crossed her arms on her chest while trying to sound annoyed. In reality she was terrified, knowing that she was trapped in this alley and things could get out of control very quickly. She had to gain control of the situation and figure out what the hell he was up to.

"Don't worry about what I want, you'll find out soon enough. What is important right now is what I can give you!"

Buffy was confused, not able to figure out what exactly he was trying to pull. What kind of game was he playing?

"Okay I'll play, what can you give me?"

"That's my girl," said Angel knowing full well that he had her complete attention. Let the real fun begin. He leaned even closer; so close she could feel his body heat giving her goosebumps. "I can give you what you want the most; me" he whispered.

Buffy was shocked, that was the last thing she expected him to say. A disbelieving laugh emerged from her throat. "What makes you think I still want you?"

Angel laughed out loud. Suddenly stopping, he grabbed her shoulders and slammed her body against his. The impact pushing all the air out of her lungs. "Poor little schoolgirl, so naïve yet so sweet," He smiled coldly. "You see I know everything there is to know about you. I remember everything about you, the way your body responds to my touch, EVERYTHING and I know you want me," he said as he ran the back of his hand down her arm.

"That is were you are wrong," said Buffy as she pushed him away. "If you knew everything there is to know about me, you would know that I don't want you anymore. You disgust me, you are nothing but damaged goods."

"Really, you don't want me anymore," said Angel with laughter in his voice. "So when I do this you only feel disgust, nothing else?"

In a split second, he grabbed the back of her head with one arm and with the other he seized her arm in which she held the stake, twisting it behind her back and pinned her against his body. He was inflicting so much pressure in her arm that she had to drop the stake.

Angel brought his head down with a look of triumph plastered on his face and started kissing her. Slowly and tenderly like he used to. Buffy tried to pull away but the hold he had on her was too strong. As the seconds went by she couldn't help giving into the memories. She had missed him so much. Missed the comfort she had always felt in his arms when he kissed her.

Angel had always been so tender and loving, like she was a crystal vase and she would break. Yet at the same time she had always felt that through their kisses Angel had tried to heal his pain, to take away the loneliness, to fill the emptiness with her soul.

As she started kissing him back, Angel released her arm and started caressing her back. Buffy closed her eyes and let the memories fill her mind. It was like coming home, to a greater comfort she had ever known. She thought of how the months of pain and anguish disappeared as Angel held her in his arms. Suddenly she realized that this wasn't Angel, not her Angel.

Reaching deep inside her, gathering strength from her pain and anguish she was finally able to push him away from her. "Don't ever touch me again!"

"Babe, you don't have to pretend, that kiss proved my point," He said as he arched a smug eyebrow. "Come on Buffy you know you want it. So what do you say, are you up for another roll in the hay, I'm definitely up for it. Drusilla has been fun, but insanity is highly overrated, besides there are so many things I could teach you." He was laughing, enjoying the obvious pain his comment brought to her.

Buffy felt a wave of hatred hit her with the force of so many months of pain and torture he had put her through. She hated the fact that he could use the beautiful memories she and Angel had made to hurt her. She hated the demon for putting her Angel through so much pain because of the guilt he had felt over the demon's deeds. She hated the demon for taking her Angel away. Most of all, she hated herself for being affected by his touch.

Buffy felt boiling rage, welling inside her. Pain clouded her reasoning, making her forget all her years of training. Blindly she began to fight.

She swung her right fist at him, but he blocked her punch before it made contact with his face. Angel responded with a left hook to her abdomen, crushing her breath.

"Come on Buffy" he taunted. "Is that the best you can do?"

With a furious cry, she lunged against him, knocking him down. She hauled him to his feet by his hair. As she tried to slap him, he seized her wrist and hurled her across the alley into the brick wall.

The impact blurred her vision and left her dazed. She shook her head, in an attempt to clear it. But she wasn't quick enough.

Taking advantage of her dazed state, Angel lunged against her propelling her against the wall. He pinned her between the wall and his body, with such force that she couldn't move her arms or legs.

Deadly silence fell upon them. Only their ragged breaths and fast heartbeats could be heard in the alley. They looked into each other's eyes and at that moment they both knew that it was over.

As he lowered his head, Buffy closed her eyes and moved her head to the side to allow him better access to her neck. She was glad that the game was finally over. She wasn't afraid to die. Dying meant no more pain, no more sadness and no more fear. She was tired of fighting; knowing full well that she couldn't win the battle. Deep down she had known that this is how things would end, because she could never kill the man she loved more than life itself. It was ironic how fate had brought them to the place where it had all begun. They had come full circle.

When Angel felt her giving up, he stopped pushing her against the wall. He put his arms around her and tenderly kissed her neck before sinking his fangs into it.

A sharp pain shot through her body as he pierced her skin. Suddenly the pain stopped. She was surprised. She had expected Angel to rip her throat apart, like he had done with countless victims. Buffy never expected it to be this way. Angel was holding her, pressing her body against his with one arm, running his fingers through her hair, while allowing her heart to do the job and pump her blood into his mouth. Sucking ever so gently.

Slowly she felt her life slip away. Her skin grew icy cold while her mind and body became mercifully numb. She welcomed the darkness.

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