Once Again
By Amy Mina
amymina(at)yahoo.com
Page 3 of 5
Disclaimer: Characters such as Buffy, Angel, Xander and others belong to Joss Whedon and the WB. The few characters that I have made up such as Marissa and Jeff belong to me.
Note to Readers: This takes place before Becoming, there will probably be less blubbering reading this than watching that. *sob* Anyway, if you are looking for the next part to this story at any time and don't feel like emailing me (amymina(at)yahoo.com), check Chrystal's site first. She always gets it earlier than the other sites. The parts will probably be coming slower considering I am graduating from high school and then starting college in the summer. If it takes awhile for the next part to show up, don't panic, I am working on it! Thanks for all of the kind comments and interest!
.
Part 5
Xander opened the door and held it open with his free hand and allowed Angel to step inside. Cuddling Marissa as she slept, he managed to shut the door behind him. He grunted as he moved toward the living room. I never knew how heavy she could be, he thought to himself. Lying her on the couch, Xander went to get a blanket from a closet. When he turned back towards her, Angel was sitting on the couch and held her in his lap. Xander smiled, seeing that Angel was almost asleep. Xander took the blanket over to the tired duo and draped it over them.
"'Night," said Xander heading toward his bedroom.
"Goodnight," replied Angel, yawning and lying down. He pulled Marissa close to him and fell into a peaceful sleep as Xander watched from his doorway.
.
Xander got up the next morning and immediately got ready for work. Walking into the living room, he saw that Angel was still asleep, his arm firmly around Marissa in a show of protection. He tiptoed past them and headed to the kitchen to begin some breakfast. He remembered the first cooking lesson that Willow had given him.
"Now," said Willow, grabbing a nearby glass bowl, "Let's start with some eggs."
"Will, why do I need to learn this?"
"You're living on your own, and you can't order from Bucky's Fondue Hut every night. You need to know how to cook."
"Why? My parents never cooked for me."
"And you hated it. Do you want your kids to have to do that?"
"Fine, what do I do?"
"Okay," said Willow, handing him two eggs. "Break these into the bowl."
Xander looked at her and tried to refrain from laughing. "Will do, Will." This task proved to be harder than he originally thought. First, he hit the very tip of the egg, and much to his disgrace, it didn't crack. He then turned it on its side and attempted to break it. He didn't hit it hard enough, and the egg was still in perfect shape. Xander lost his temper and hit it as hard as he could. It splattered all over the front of his shirt. He could feel his face redden, and Willow burst out laughing. Xander took his dirty hands and chased her all around his former apartment, only stopped by his girlfriend in the living room stepping in. Poor Cordelia was covered all over from egg. He remember running around two blocks to get away from her.
Xander laughed silently, thinking how far his cooking had come. He began to make some French toast, when he heard a little pitter-patter of feet enter the kitchen doorway. When he looked, he saw Marissa standing there, rubbing her eyes.
"Hello, Hon," said Xander. Marissa slowly walked over and put her arms around his legs. He bent down and gave the young girl a hug.
"Uncle Xander, I'm tired." She yawned in his ear, and it was all he could to keep from joining her in the yawn. When the phone rang, he picked her up and walked over to the cordless. She laid her head on his shoulder and he heard her slowly fall back to sleep.
"Hello," he said, into the phone.
"Xander," came Joyce's voice. "Is Angel there?"
"He's still sleeping. I can get him up-"
"Oh, no. Don't bother. I wanted to let him know that we are going to be there around eleven or so to pick him up to go see Buffy."
"I'll let him know."
"We also talked, and decided that Marissa should come with us. But since he is her father, we wanted to make sure it was all right with him."
"I can ask him."
"Thanks. Goodbye."
Xander hung up the phone laid Marissa back on the couch next to Angel. When he finished breakfast, he ate his part and put the extra into the fridge for when they were hungry. Grabbing his jacket, he headed out, but stopped by Angel first to let him know what Joyce had said. Angel nodded his head over and over again, saying that he understood perfectly. He agreed that if it Giles and Joyce thought that Marissa could see Buffy, he coincided with their decision. Xander hoped Angel would get up soon enough to get ready and headed out the door.
.
When Angel finally woke up, he found that Marissa was no longer on the couch with him. Wishing that he had his sight more than anything, he got up on his elbow and reached for his cane.
"Marissa?" he called out, standing up. He heard a set of running feet and a few thumps.
"Yes?" asked Marissa. He concentrated for a minute and couldn't decide where she was. He reached out his hand and she took it in-between her two small ones. "I'm right here, Mr. Angel."
Angel smiled slightly, and squeezed her hand. "Thank you dear. Did you have some breakfast?"
"No, I didn't want to hurt anything."
"Come on," he said, leading her in the direction of the kitchen. He took out the French toast Xander had made for breakfast and put it in the microwave. He could hear Marissa pull out a chair and sit down. Getting the sugar and butter, he gave her a piece, not sure how much she would want to eat. He sat down and joined her a minute later.
He finished his breakfast within a few minutes. Angel took a deep breath and put his fork back on his plate. "Marissa, how would you like to go see your mom?" he asked. He heard her quick gasp and felt her jump into his lap.
"Yeah! I get to see my mom! What does she look like Mr. Angel?"
Angel laughed. "Please, just Angel. Mr. Angel is just not fitting."
"Angel, I like it. Is it your real name?" She could imagine the young girl with Buffy's face looking him in the eyes, out of pure curiosity.
"No, my real name is Angelus."
"Why do you go by Angel?"
He took another deep breath, but tried to be as honest as possible. "It has some bad memories for me."
"Oh," she answered, realizing that he didn't want to talk about it. She changed the topic. "Did you know my mom?"
"Yes, I did," he said, hugging his daughter to himself.
"What was she like?"
"Full of life. Very beautiful. Kind, gentle, caring, everything good you could imagine."
"What did she look like?"
"Buffy was short, only a little over five feet. She had naturally light brown hair that she used to bleach so that it was dirty blonde. From what your grandmother told me, you have her exact same face."
"Did she love my father?" asked Marissa.
"Very much."
"What did he look like?"
"Well," began Angel, "He was very tall, dark, your color hair, kinda quiet. He loved Buffy very much."
"Will I ever get to meet him?"
"Probably, someday. Now, get dressed and ready to see your mom. She might not see you, but you want to look your best." Marissa hopped off his lap and ran from the room. Angel quickly cleaned up and went to get himself dressed and ready to go. He wanted to look his best for Buffy.
By the time he was ready, Marissa was already out in the living room watching some cartoons. He hit the button on his watch to find out what time it was, and the voice reported that it was 10:48. Within a few minutes, he heard a knock on the door, and Marissa ran to answer it. He hurried after her, knowing the deadbolt was done up, and she wouldn't be able to open it.
"Grandma," said the girl, and Angel pulled the door all of the way open.
"Hello, Marissa," said Joyce. "How was your night?"
"Mr. Angel, I mean, Angel and I slept on the couch. It was like a slumber party." Angel tried not to laugh at her remark.
"Really," said Joyce. "Sounds like it was fun."
"You and grandpa can come next time," said Marissa. Joyce laughed openly by this time.
"Maybe we will. Giles is waiting in the car. Are you ready to go see Buffy?" Angel realized that Joyce was talking to him. He nodded him head. Angel slowly followed Joyce and Marissa, closing the door behind him. Joyce took his arm and helped him down the steps. Once they were in the car, Marissa began to ask more questions about Buffy and her father. Angel leaned back, letting Giles answer them. After a short ride, Angel felt the car stop. When he heard the doors open, he tried to open his as well, but couldn't find the handle. A moment later, he heard Marissa's chatter, and then his door what opened.
"See grandma, Angel needs help too." Angel felt embarrassed at her remark, and leaned forward to get out. Her hand closed around his and tried to help him. Once he was out, she grabbed his hand tighter and they walked towards the building. Angel could remember everything about it, the empty sounds in the hallway, the white walls, the patients that looked awful, and those like Buffy who always looked perfectly preened. He could recall every detail and emotion from the visits here before he lost his sight. A combination of horror, depression, and sorrow.
Marissa glance up at Angel while they were walking and looked at his face. All she could wish was that this man had been her father. He seemed to love and care about her so much already, and her real father was somewhere, it didn't really matter where, it just wasn't with her. Rubbing her fist against her face, she sniffled at the empty void in her life that only her father could fill, and it looked like it would never be filled. Looking back at the ground, she fought the tears, not wanting to show her weakness. When she sniffed again, Angel stopped and turned to bend down.
"Marissa, are you okay?" he asked. Marissa smiled, knowing that he couldn't see it, but trying to show that she was okay. "Marissa?" he questioned, his voice showing concern.
"I'm okay," she replied. "Can I borrow a tissue?"
Angel's face broke into a sudden smile. "May I, it's may I. And I don't have a tissue, but you can use my handkerchief. Is that okay?"
"Thank you," she answered. He dug in one of his pockets and pulled out a clean, black silk, handkerchief. Marissa held it in-between two of her fingers and stared at it.
"What's wrong, honey?" asked Joyce. Marissa looked at her grandmother.
"I can't use this," she replied. "I'll mess it all up, and then it won't be pretty and clean anymore." Angel began to laugh, and soon Joyce and Giles joined it.
"Go ahead and use it, Marissa," said Angel. "We'll get it clean again." Marissa wiped her nose, and stuck it in her pocket. Angel stood up and they began to walk down the hallway again. Marissa took in the surroundings around her, and watched as the doctors walked by, most sending her looks of pity. When they finally stopped in front of a door, Giles and Joyce both took a deep breath.
"Here we go," said Giles. Joyce nodded and he slowly opened the door. Marissa peeked in-between the two adults to look at her mother. The first thing she noticed was all of the machines that were around her. One of them had an annoying beeping and Marissa wished it would stop. After looking past the machines, she saw her mom. Buffy's hair was spread around her head like a halo. Marissa pulled Angel forward between her grandparents, and ran over to the bed. She bent over her mom, and took the nearest hand in her own. Taking Angel's hand, that still held hers, she replaced it with Buffy's.
She watched at Angel caught on to what she had done, and bent down. Rubbing Buffy's hand between his two, he began to cry. Marissa moved forward and threw her arms around him. Angel wrapped one of her large arms around her, feeling the feelings of guilt and despair all rush back. Marissa began to comfort him with quiet words like you would to a small child. Angel took a deep breath and repeated one phrase inside of his head-"It wasn't my fault, it was the demon." After a few moments, he got control of himself. Marissa loosened her hold, and looked at him.
"Don't worry, Mr. Angel," she said, reverting to his formal name. "I'm sure she is happy where she is."
.
Marissa couldn't have been farther from the truth. Buffy wanted nothing more then to get out of this body that had once been her friend. She could see herself running from alley to alley, not even sure what she was looking for. When she found it, she stopped dead in her tracks. There was Angelus, feeding from Angel. Looking on in shock, she did nothing to stop it. When Angelus was feeding, he turned around to face her, and a large grin appeared on his face.
"My dear lover," he said. "Do you realize you did nothing to stop me from feeding from the man you love, just like you never stopped me from killing and maiming all of your friends."
Buffy fully realized why she was still stuck within herself. It wasn't the guilt of Jenny and Oz's death, it wasn't even fully what happened to Angel, even though that was a large part. It was a way of escape, it had protected her from dealing with the things that she had seen everyday. The only way out, as was now the only way out of the alley, was to kill Angelus, and show self-forgiveness. Looking at him, she realized, this was the showdown.
.
Part 6
Dr. Clerk walked into room 320 and looked at the chart to make sure he was in the right room. One the chart it said: Room 320, Buffy Summers, coma. Surprised that there were people there, he cleared his throat to make his appearance known.
"Excuse me," he said to them. He watched them and noticed the young girl standing next to the patient's bed. Suddenly feeling the weight of his job laid on his shoulders, he observed the scene in the room closer. Next to Buffy's bed was a young man, holding onto the girl's hand as well as Buffy's. Standing a few feet from the bed were a couple, not old, probably in their forties. When they turned around to the sound of his voice, he could see that one of them was the patient's mother by the similarity in looks. The elder man placed a protective arm around the patient's mother and took in a deep breath.
"My I help you?" he asked.
"Umm, well, yes you can," replied the doctor. "Are one of you a close relative to Miss Summers?"
"I am her mother," replied the lady that the doctor already guessed to be the mother. "How may I help you?" By her tone, he could tell that she really didn't want him there.
"May I speak to you privately?" he questioned.
"I'm sorry, Dr . . ." she paused while looking at his nametag. "Dr. Clerk. This is my husband, Mr. Giles, Buffy's daughter, and our dear friend, Angel. What ever you have to say about Buffy, you can say in front of all of us."
The doctor began to speak otherwise, when Mr. Giles turned towards the daughter and motioned her to come to him. Dr. Clerk watched the girl reluctantly let go of Angel's hand and slowly walk over. Mr. Giles bent down to her height and whispered something to her. She looked crushed and then slowly nodded. He gave he a quick kiss on the forehead and she walked back over to Angel, who was still clasping Buffy's hand.
"Come on, Mr. Angel," she said, taking his hand in her own. "Let's go for a walk." Angel slowly let go of Buffy's hand, and followed the young girl outside. As he walked by, Dr. Clerk noticed that he was blind. Quickly recovering from the bit of surprise he felt, he turned back to the couple at hand.
"Mr. and Mrs. Giles," he began. "We need to discuss Buffy's condition."
"What about it?" asked Mrs. Giles, still on the defensive.
"She is not getting any better," he said, slowly and in his most comforting voice. "We have tried many things, and there is nothing left we can do."
"Nothing at all?" asked Mrs. Giles, her eyes tearing up.
"No, nothing I'm afraid. We have consulted other institutions around the country, even a few in England and in other parts of Europe. We have tried what they suggested to help your daughter, but she has not responded to the treatments."
"What are you saying?" asked Giles.
"She will never get better," replied the doctor. "She will continue to say in a comatose state until her body fails her." Joyce let the tears roll down her cheeks. "I'm sorry."
The doctor turned and quietly room. Back in the room, Joyce turned to Giles and cried her eyes out. "My little baby, my poor baby," she muttered over and over. Giles held her close and softly stroked her hair. When she finally began to calm down, she backed up and looked at him. "What are we going to do?" she asked.
Giles gave her a small smile, and ran his thumb across her cheek to wipe away some of her tears. "Pray," She returned his small smile, and he gently laid one of his hands on her abdomen. "And get ready to tell the upcoming little ones about their awesome sister Buffy." Joyce leaned forward and kissed her husband. When they broke off the kiss, she went over to Buffy's bed and gave her a quick kiss on the forehead. Arm in arm, Giles and Joyce left the room and headed to the car.
.
"And there is another red car in the parking lot next to the white one. It is really funny looking, I think those are dots on it." Angel laughed at Marissa's comment. When they had left Buffy's room, Marissa led them over to a tree and Angel sat down. Leaning against the tree, she sat in his lap and began to describe the scenery to him.
"What do you think the dots are?" asked Angel, wanting to get more out of her. She reminding him more of Buffy with every moment that they spent together.
"I think they are really big bugs," she said. "They look like they went SPLAT on the car when they were driving. Probably in a race or something like that." Angel laughed again, and even Marissa giggled along with him. He reached around, and began to tickle her sides. She squirmed and started to laugh hard in-between her screeches. "Help me," she tried to say, but was laughing too hard. Angel laughed along with her, but when he felt she had had enough tickling, he stopped, and listened to her try to catch her breath. "That was mean," she said, in-between gasps.
"I didn't think so," replied Angel, smiling. Before he could do anything, she pounced on him like a cat on a mouse and began trying to find his ticklish spot. She found it quickly, and they began to wrestle. After a few minutes, Angel through up his hands in a mock surrender. "I give up," he said.
"Yeah," she cried out. "I win!" He could imagine her jumping up and down in victory.
"What did you win?" came Giles' voice.
"I beat Angel," she said. "He surrendered."
"I think we missed something," replied Joyce, quietly chuckling. "Come on, you two, lets go to the library."
"The library?" asked Marissa. Angel quietly stood up. "Why are we going to a library?"
"It is where your mother spent most of her time as a student, and we were going to go visit the new librarian, Dan," replied Giles. "Is that okay with you, Angel?"
"Sure," he said, slowly walking over. Marissa ran up to him, and took his hand not holding the cane in hers. Joyce watched the way Marissa protected him and was surprised after only a day of knowing Angel that she was so attached. Maybe it is the fact that he is her father? she thought, surprised of the instant connection between the two. A few days ago, Angel was positive that there was no way a child could love him, and he was a totally different person. Always moping. Now after one day of Marissa being around, he was already happier. He has found his purpose in living, Joyce concluded. Smiling at everyone, they walked over to the car to make the short treck to the library.
.
"Dan!" called out Angel and they entered the library. Marissa looked around at the library and her eyes lit up with the thought of exploring. Letting go of Angel's hand, she turned around in circles to see everything clearer. Walking a few steps ahead of the adults, she laid her hand on the table.
Giles watched his granddaughter's reaction at the library, and his face lit up in a smile. She shared Angel's delight for books, he could see that already. When she turned to walk back toward them, he shook his head. "Go ahead and look around, Marissa," he said. She grinned and ran off into the stacks. Angel slowly used his cane to walk over to the table and sat down. Dan smiled at the noticeable change in Angel, but decided to deal with it later.
"Giles!" he exclaimed. Engulfing him in a hug, the older man smiled.
"Dan, long time no see. How are you doing?" He backed up and grinned.
"Pretty good. Snyder is a pain to work for. But I am enjoying my job. Angel has been great company everyday."
Angel sent the two men a sarcastic grin. "I'm sure. I'm the most depressing company possible. Dan just tolerates me."
"How is Lita?" asked Giles, changing the topic.
Dan groaned. "I don't think there has ever been a slayer this difficult in the history of the world."
Giles' grin grew. "You should have seen Buffy. She was worse, I guarantee it."
"I don't know if that is possible."
"Neither do I," said Angel. Giles and Dan laughed, the mood being kept very light. Marissa came running out from the stacks and jumped in Angel's lap.
"Angel, come with me, I have to show you something, and you don't have to see it!" Grabbing Angel's hand she pulled him up from the chair, and slowly led him over the stairs so that he wouldn't trip. Dan watched Giles' and Joyce's delight at the sight of Angel being pulled behind this young girl.
"Who is she?" asked Dan, his curiosity getting the best of him.
"Buffy's daughter," answered Giles, looking at the stacks in pride. "And she reminds me so much of Buffy."
"And Angel's daughter, I am assuming."
"Of course," answered Joyce. "Marissa is quite taken with him, you can just see it in her face every time she sees him. But she doesn't know that he is her father yet."
Dan looked at them. "She doesn't know? And she gets along with him that well?"
"She is a very good judge of character. She trusts him, and I think she may already look at him as a type of father figure." Dan smiled and looked at the stacks. "Do us a favor, Dan. Don't tell her yet. It is up to Angel when she knows."
"Understood," answered Dan. "They make such a cute little family. Maybe someday Buffy will return and they can be happy together."
Giles felt tears well up in his eyes, and knew that Joyce was getting just upset. "Unless a miracle happens, there will be no family reunion," said Giles. Dan looked at him questionably, and Giles roughly wiped at his eyes with the sleeves of his tweed jacket. "We just talked to Buffy's doctor. There is nothing left they can do for her."
Dan knew his face showed his shock. The world without the hope of Buffy coming back would be a change. He bowed his head in prayer and regret that he never got to know the slayer himself. "Do Angel and Marissa know?" he asked.
"Not yet," answered Giles. "I'm not sure how to tell them, they both want to see her so bad."
"Did you every thing about a miracle?" asked Dan.
"I'm not a praying man, but in this case, I think a miracle is the only thing we can do for her."
.
"You think you can take me slayer?" asked Angelus, full of confidence. "It has been over five years and you are still stuck here."
"I can easily defeat you, you want to know why?" she asked. They began to circle each other in the alley. "Because I have a reason to go back."
"What reasons slayer? That washed up vampire? Your daughter that only knows you as a still figure on a bed? That friend of yours whose boyfriend died because of you? The list goes on, but so far, I don't see anyone."
"Of course you don't, Angelus. Cause you are a demon. Demons don't care what happens to others. They don't have feelings of compassion. Just as you have tried to destroy me from the inside out, I am going to do the same to you. Let's talk about failures, shall we." They continued to circle each other, and Buffy slid a stake from her wrist. "Let's talk about the Judge first."
"That wasn't me, that was Drusilla and Spike."
"Okay, lets talk about Dru. The vampire you wanted but never got." At the fake look of nonchalance, Buffy smirked. "What? You think I didn't notice. I saw how you coveted her, lusted after her, but even after everything, you never got her."
"I did too."
"Is she here with you now?" asked Buffy. "No, she is still with Spike. And how about Yanna, Angelus. Yeah, you killed her, but she still destroyed you and your rule over the minions. You can never win Angelus, cause sooner or later, someone defeated you." Angelus' face showed one of shock, before he became enraged. Charging at her, he ran right into the stake. Buffy's grin was one of triumph, and he looked up at her face in obvious pain. "Now, it has been almost six years," said Buffy. "I have a daughter to meet." Angelus looked down and turned to dust. As he did, Buffy could feel herself being sucked out of the vortex she had been stuck in for so long. Within a few seconds, she could feel herself fully inhabiting her body.
Slowly flexing her wrist, she stopped due to the IV. The first thing she noticed was the hunger pangs in her stomach. Taking up her wrist without the IV, she laid her hand on top of her stomach. She slowly moved the hand up to her neck and her face. When she ran her hands over her eyes, she let out a sigh of relief. Then a soft laugh filled with delight. Slowly opening her eyes, it felt like a pointed flaming stake was poked through her eyes. Wincing in pain and shutting her eyes, her laugh turned to a groan. I have to get out of here, but where is here? she thought to herself. Well, the first step is to open my eyes and get out of this bed. Pulling the IV from her arm, she slowly moved her legs over to the side of the bed. Placing them on the ground, she gently tested them and noticed that they were too numb to walk on. Bouncing them on the floor to regain feeling, she began to flex her arms and stretch. Being a slayer sure comes in handy at times like this, she thought. I don't feel so cramped. Feeling that her legs had enough feeling back in them, she began to stand. Grabbing on to the nearest object, she steadied herself. My muscles are going to need some major work.
Holding onto the wall, she inched her way to the bathroom, feeling her head began to swim because of being up and moving again. When she walked into the bathroom, she began to feel the contours on her face again, this time while staring into the mirror. Smiling at its appearance, she went to the bathroom, and then began to look for clothes.
» Read the the next page. »
This fanfiction collection is part of Angel's Secrets, a rusted-crush.com production. No infringement of any kind is intended. This not-for-profit fan website is a display of admiration and expression, and we gratefully acknowledge the sources that have helped make this site possible, as well as the writers who have allowed us to post their work here. The Frequently Asked Questions page contains more site information. Thanks for reading; enjoy these creative works!