By Jessi Roberts
Summary: Buffy muses over her relationships.
Disclaimer: I would like to say I am a hardcore B/A fan. I'm just bored and decided to mess with their lives today. If Joss can do it, so can I. I don't own them, don't sue me.
I assume this is how it's supposed to be. One would think that after witnessing so much it would eventually become enough. Not for me and definitely not for him.
I keep thinking back to that night when he stood a mere fifty feet from me. I turn to face him squarely, to show him I'm open to whatever he has in mind. Only he doesn't know what he has in store for me, for us. He believes he must leave to grant me something that is a myth, unattainable for a person in my situation. He too can never have a normal life and this he knows, but he's clouded his judgment with some illusion that I can have one.
His face is expressionless, as it usually is. I stare at him with longing, daring myself to run to him. Only I cannot accept my own dare. The smoke from what's left of Sunnydale High dances across his features, bearing resemblance to the smoke that clouds his mind.
He eventually turns and walks away. I keep hoping he'll stop and look over his shoulder, but he doesn't. I remember the smoke swallowing him up and then turning around myself, I leave.
It's now the summer. Southern California has the best summers, so warm and full of life. I can't feel the heat, for I am cold. I swim with Willow and Xander, I shop with Cordelia, and I cry with Mr. Gordo. This is no way to spend life, mooning over a man that didn't want me in his.
The summer glides by and I'm now enrolled at Sunnydale University. Class of 2003. I find that college suits me. I've found my passion in writing for the school newspaper and reciting sad poetry at the coffeehouse. It was there I attracted the likes of Riley Finn. He, like me, is a journalism major. I like spending time with him. He has a nice smile and always has an explanation for life's little tragedies.
He is, of course, the complete opposite of Angel. The only resemblance they bear to each other would be their intense eyes. Eyes that are a mirror to my soul. He knows about my past relationship and he knows about my evening activities. Yet, he doesn't seem to care.
It was just an ordinary day while Riley and I were sitting outside my dorm. We were just enjoying the comfortable silence and the beautiful afternoon. I had my head on his chest and his hand was absently stroking my hair. It was then I realized I didn't feel as cold. Some warmth had found its way back to me and I sighed. This is truly how it is supposed to be.
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